Hope
by Viveca
Summary: Darien's facing a Quicksilver mad death. Can one woman in a similar situation change his whole perspective?
1. Default Chapter

She hadn't gotten the cure.  

There was no cure, not even a glimmer of hope of a cure.  Arnaud's computer held the only hope and it was gone, blown up by C4 hidden inside.

There was no cure.

Darien sat in his apartment, numb to the knowledge that he was going to die sooner now rather than later.  It was the one thing he'd been afraid of since Kevin had put the gland in his head and the madness had set in.  He always feared and secretly knew that the madness would kill him someday.  That day seemed suddenly closer now.

Darien looked down at his tattoo.  Half red and half green.  That's the best Claire could do now.  He could feel the madness building at the back of his brain and he thought fleetingly he could feel his very life force slipping out of his body.  He hauled his tired body off the couch and into the kitchen.  There was only one way he could handle slowly dying and that was by dulling the sensation with alcohol.  He retrieved the mostly full bottle of Jim Beam from the cabinet, decided to forgo the glasses, and went to collapse back onto the couch and into an alcohol induced stupor.

*******************

He was face to face with himself but he wasn't himself.  He was looking at a silver-eyed stage five madness Darien Fawkes.  He tried to run from the other image but he couldn't move.  The other Darien moved toward him.

"I'm coming for you." Silver-eyed Darien whispered.  He held up his wrist; the tattoo was all red.  "Not much longer now…"  He reached his hand out and started knocking on normal Darien's forehead but the knocking sounded louder than it should.

"Fawkes!  Open up!"  Bobby Hobbes's voice boomed through the door as he continued to pound on the door.  Darien groaned in his half-conscious state and turned on the couch to get away from the loud noise.  His abrupt movement caused the now empty and bone-dry Jim Beam bottle to fall onto the floor with yet another unpleasantly loud noise.  "I heard that.  I know you're in there Fawkes so just drag your lazy ass out of the bed or off the couch and open the damned door!" 

"Go 'way…lea' me 'lone!" Darien managed to cry out as he buried his head back in the pillow.  The pounding stopped.  He thought momentarily that his partner had actually obeyed his wished and had left him alone until he heard keys rattling in the door.  Darien groped around until he found a blanket and brought it up over his head as Bobby turned on every light in the studio apartment.

"Up and Adam, Fawkesy.  Time to crawl outta that bottle and back to work." Bobby jerked the blanket off his severely hung over and partially unconscious partner.  Darien answered with an indistinguishable curse and attempted to bury himself farther into the couch.  "Okay, we tried the easy way.  Now, for the Bobby Hobbes way." 

Darien never knew what hit him until the cold water from the shower began pelting him like ice bullets.  He hurled every four-letter word he could at his partner but the water didn't stop and didn't get any warmer.  He sat in the shower until he realized he was alone in the bathroom.  He was painfully conscious so why not make use of the shower.

Ten minutes later, Darien emerged from the shower clean and slightly more sober.  He grabbed a pair of jeans left in the bathroom for him along with a plain white t-shirt.  Bobby had begun brewing coffee after tossing a nearly unconscious Darien in the shower and handed Darien a cup of coffee when he emerged from the bathroom.

"How ya feelin' partner?" Bobby sipped at his own coffee.

"Go to hell." 

"That's the thanks I get for pulling you outta that self pickling bottle?" Silence.  "Look, Fawkes, I know you're going through hell here…"

"You have no idea what I'm going through or do you have a gland in your brain that's slowly poisoning you that I don't know about?"  Darien's voice was deadly calm.

"Okay so I don't know what you're going through but I do know the answer ain't in that bottle.  Claire's workin' round the clock…"

"On something she has no idea how to fix.  Spare me the pep talk Hobbes.  Why are you here?" Darien sat the mug down.  The coffee didn't taste right but after his drinking tirade last night nothing would taste right for a while.

"To bring you back to the Agency or have you forgotten that you still work for them?"  Bobby would be damned if he sat by and let his best friend give up.

"What's the point?  I worked for them because I needed the counteragent.  Well, last time I checked, the counteragent wasn't working so I don't need them anymore."  Darien made a move toward the couch.

"Givin' up all ready then.  Figures."

"What?"

"Figures.  You givin' up without even puttin' up a fight."

"Hey I'm fightin' for my life here man…"

"Oh yeah?  Then why have you been holed up here drinking yourself into an early grave since you found out Claire didn't get the cure?  Why haven't you been out there, looking for Arnaud and his cure?  Because you're a coward.  You're too scared to let Claire try her new counteragent booster on you.  Might ruin your plan to die such a tragic death."

Darien was getting pissed.  Bobby knew exactly what reaction he was provoking and it was exactly the one he was looking for.  Darien turned and looked at his partner and then was out the door.  He knew Bobby was telling the truth and it pissed him off.  Darien beat the other man to the van by mere seconds.


	2. Chap. 2

They pulled up at the Agency the same way they'd drive there, quiet.  Darien blinked as the he walked into the place he'd come to regard as a safe haven.  He hated this place now, had ever since Arnaud had escaped from it, taking the cure for Quicksilver madness with him.  They walked quietly to the Keep.

"Darien, you look like hell." Claire observed as the partners strolled in.

"Thanks Claire.  Missed you, too." Darien was sarcastic and did nothing to hide the contempt in his voice.  He saw his Keeper wince slightly at his tone.  He mentally shook himself.  He didn't hate her.  It wasn't her fault Arnaud bobby trapped his laptop with C4 but he was taking his anger out on her regardless.  Out of habit, he sat down in the counteragent chair and almost rolled his sleeve up but caught himself just in time.  His head fell back against the headrest and he let his eyes close.  He felt Claire take his hand and roll up the sleeve to look at his tattoo.

"Better than I expected."  She said calmly and gently put his arm down.  "Any signs of the madness?"

"Well, do having dreams about facing a silver-eyed version of myself count?"  Darien kept his eyes closed.

"That all depends.  What happened?"

"I told myself I was coming after me then I, or rather the silver-eyed me, held up my tattooed wrist and it was all red then I told myself that it wasn't long now."

"Sounds like your subconscious is going into overdrive with all that's happened.  Not surprising considering what you've been though."  Claire's voice was soft and soothing.  She was trying to be reassuring to someone who'd all but given up.

"Also not surprising considering the amount of alcohol you've poured into your system over the past couple of days."  It was Bobby's turn to be contemptuous.

"Bobby…"

Darien winced at his friend's all too true statement.  He wasn't dealing with any of this.  Instead, he'd always done; he was doing his best ostrich impression except instead of sand, he's decided to stick his head in a bottle.  "He's right."  Darien looked across the room at his partner and best friend.  Bobby blinked twice.  It wasn't often the younger man would admit when someone else was right.

"Well, seeing as you're all right physically except for a hangover, the Official wants to see you in his office for your next assignment."  Claire looked down at Darien.  She could see the stress and fatigue etched on his face and in his eyes.  Darien stretched gingerly and winced at a sudden and sharp pain behind his eyes.  "Darien?"  She was back at his side.

"Hangover not the other red-eyed monster."  He got up and motioned for his partner to follow him to the Official's office.  Eberts greeted them outside the office.

"You can't go in yet gentlemen."  Eberts held his hand up in front of the door.

"What's the matter, Eberts?  The 'Fish finally kick you out rather than just tell you to shut up?"  Bobby sneered.

"Very funny, Robert.  Actually, the Official is dealing with private matters pertaining to your next assignment."

"Must be pretty private if you're out here, Eberts.  What's up?"  Darien leaned against the wall facing the office door.  Eberts opened his mouth to answer as soon as the Official's door opened.  The 'Fish walked out talking to a slightly younger man.

"Thank you.  I'll see to it myself."  The men shook hands and the other man was escorted away by two agents.  "Gentlemen, Eberts, come in."  Eberts scurried in to take his normal place behind the Official's desk, scooping up a small stack of folders on his way.  Darien sprawled in the chair the way he usually did.  Bobby sat slightly relaxed but still at attention.  The room was quietly waiting for someone to speak.  The Official was that someone.  "So you haven't pickled yourself, Fawkes.  Good.  Time to get back to business.  Eberts."  The fat man held out his hand for one of the folders Eberts had picked up and had been studying.  "This is a very delicate assignment and you two are the only ones I trust with it."

"Oh great.  I don't know if you remember or not, Charlie, but I gotta lay off the see through stuff or else…" Darien pivoted from side to side in his chair.

"This doesn't require any Quicksilver but it does require attention to detail, discretion, and for you to act like adults, both of you."  The Official opened the folder in front of him.

"Whatcha got us chasin' this time?"  Darien sneered.

"Not chasing.  Guarding.  Eberts."

Right on cue, Eberts came to life like a voice-activated robot.  He handed Darien and Bobby each a folder but waited until they opened them to began speaking.  "The woman in the picture is Lara Campbell.  She suffers from a severe heart disease that limits her activity.  She's just been released from the hospital after…"

"Who does she know?"  Darien interrupted. 

"How do you mean?"  Eberts tripped over the interruption.

"Who or what does she know that's a threat?"  Bobby expanded his partner's thought.

"Well, that depends…" Eberts began but the Official interrupted.

"Nothing."

"And we're concerned with her why?"  Darien questioned.

"Because I said so.  Her address is in the file.  She should be home by the time you get there so go.  Report later and don't leave her alone for long.  That's all."  The Official closed his folder and handed it to Eberts, dismissing his two best agents.  Bobby and Fawkes closed their folders, got up and left, silently grumbling all the way.


	3. Chap. 3

The drive to the address they'd been given was filled with friendly banter.  Both agents were trying to re-establish normalcy in their friendship.  Bobby griped about an agent of his caliber being wasted on this assignment and Darien griped about the assignment in general.  They pulled up to a brick house that matched the address they'd been given and got out and were greeted by two other Agency guys leaving.

"Fawkes, Hobbes.  She's still kinda outta of it but the discharge nurse said it was for the best. She should be coherent in a couple of hours at the most."

"Thanks Richards."  Darien walked past the exiting agents and quietly entered the house.  He heard Hobbes close the door behind him.  Fawkes decided to snoop.  The living room was open to the kitchen and dining room.  There were three doors branching off from the one open room.  One door was closed, one was pulled partially closed and one was open.  The open door was to an office.  Darien peaked around the partially closed door and found a bedroom with someone curled up in the bed.  'The other door must be the bathroom,' Darien thought and headed back to the living room.  "Find anything interesting?"  He whispered to his partner.

"Yeah, take a look." Hobbes held out a picture.  The taller agent took the picture and studied it.  It was a picture of the woman they were guarding and the Official all hugged up.  The woman was wearing a cap and gown.

"So this is why Charlie has us guarding this chick.  Looks like he's cozying up to somebody."  Darien sat the picture back on the mantle.

"Never seen her before.  This is gonna be interesting."  Bobby mused and Darien shrugged.  He kept snooping until he opened the TV cabinet and found the TV.  Atleast they had something to keep them occupied until Ms. Campbell woke up.

*******************

Three hours and a movie and television version of The Invisible Man later had the real life Invisible Man shaking his head.

"If only it was that simple…"Darien mused.

"Life is never that simple my friend."

"Amen to that," a groggy feminine voice said from behind the couch where the two men were sitting.  Both of them jumped up and turned around.

"Ms. Campbell?"  Bobby asked.

"Call me Lara.  Who are you and where did the guys who brought me home go?"  She shuffled to a char and sat down softly.

"I'm Agent Hobbes, this is Agent Fawkes."  Hobbes flashed his badge and Darien gave him an incredulous look.

"Oh, you're more of Uncle Charlie's agents.  Cool.  Why are you guys here?"  Lara pulled her robe even tighter around her.

"Uncle Charlie?"  Darien's eyebrows raised and Lara nodded.  "Uh, yeah.  We're here to, well…"

"Baby-sit me?"

"For lack of a better word.  You just got outta the hospital right?"  She nodded again.  "Well, we're here to make sure you take it easy I guess…" Darien's voice trailed off.  Bobby mumbled something about babysitting detail and paced by the front door.  Lara curled up in her chair and tried to get comfortable but she couldn't.  "Do you need anything?"  Darien perched on the chair of the sofa next to her.  A quiet but persistent alarm sounded.  Lara pulled up the sleeve of her robber to shut off her watch alarm and Darien noticed a bruise on her watch hand.

"Nasty looking bruise huh?"  Lara caught him looking.  He gave her a slightly embarrassed smile.  "The nurses tried to be as gentle as possible with the I.V. but I just bruise easily."  Lara pulled her sleeve back down and struggled to get up.  Darien slid off the arm of the couch and helped her up.  She walked to the closed bathroom door and stopped.  "Help yourself to anything in the fridge although I warn ya, it's all low fat and low calorie health stuff."  Lara headed into the bathroom as Darien headed for the kitchen.

'She wasn't kidding,' Darien thought, looking in the fridge.  He was still surveying the contents when he heard Lara come out of the bathroom and walk up behind him.

"Could you hand me a water please?"  She was out of breath.  Darien grabbed to bottles of water, closed the fridge and turned around.

"Sure.  You okay?"  He was concerned.

"Yeah, just a little tired.  Had a rough coupla days is all."  She sat down at the bar across from the fridge and pulled out two pill bottles.

"If you don't mind me askin', what were you in the hospital for?" Darien sat down on the closest stool to her's.


	4. Chap. 4

She took a sip of her water and looked at him.  "You mean Uncle Charlie didn't tell you?"  Darien shook his head.  "That's a little odd."  She shrugged.  "Anyway, without getting too technical, I have a bad heart."

"Whaddya mean, bad?"  Bobby joined them in the kitchen.

"I mean the muscle of my heart, or one side of my heart actually, is abnormally thick and getting thicker."

"Why?" Darien's curiosity was peaked.

Lara shrugged again.  "Dunno.  Could be viral, could be genetic, although it's probably genetic.  Heart problems run in my family but I'm the only one ever diagnosed with this."  She popped two pills in her mouth and washed them down with water.

"Diagnosed with what?"  It was Bobby's turn to sit down.

Lara took a deep breath.  "Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy."  She was slightly amused at the confused looks on the faces of the men in her kitchen.  "That's a fancy medical way of saying what I just did about my heart muscle being too thick.  The thick muscle causes my heart to have to beat that much harder to pump blood throughout my body so my pulse rate is higher and so is my blood pressure."  The whole house was silent.  Lara waited for the inevitable questions as she sipped her water.  Darien and Bobby both struggled to find the right words to use.

"What, um, what can you, or they, what can the doctor or the hospital do?" Darien stumbled over his words.

"Well, they prescribe these."  She did her best Vanna White impression, motioning to the pill bottles.  "This one," she picked up the first bottle, "is called metoprolol.  Basically, what it does is attempt to slow my heartbeat and reduce the force of my heart contractions.  It works in conjunction with this one, " Lara sat the first bottle down and picked up the second one.  "This one is verapamil.  It helps my heart fill up with blood better by reducing the stiffness of the heart muscle itself."

"Wait.  If that," Bobby pointed to the bottle in Lara's hand, "is supposed to reduce the stiffness of you heart muscle then why are you still having problems?"

"Because, even if my heart muscle isn't stiff, it's still thick and enlarged so it still has trouble pumping right.  All the verapamil does is make sure, or tries to make sure, the muscle is loose enough to pump.  It doesn't always work, though."  Lara's voice dropped to a whisper.

"What do you mean?"  Darien finally spoke.

Lara didn't look up as she sat the pill bottle back down.  "Well, simply put, my body isn't responding to the drugs anymore.  It's not responding to any kind of these drugs anymore.  Not only that but I've developed an arrhythmia, an extra heartbeat, that's not responding to anti-arrhythmic drugs."

Darien was beginning to understand why they'd been sent to baby-sit Lara.  "What happens when the medications stop working?"

"Usually, a surgery called a myectomy is done to remove part of the affected heart muscle but because of the advanced stage of my disease and my arrhythmia, I'm not a good candidate.  I'd die in surgery probably."  The three people were quiet again.

"So what now?"  Darien asked.

"Well, I hope and pray the drugs keep working but I know they won't so I take life one day at a time."  Lara finally looked up from her pill bottles.

"But it's…the disease is…"Bobby avoided finishing the sentence.

"It's fatal in my case.  I'm in heart failure."

"How long do you have?"  Darien studied her face.

"Good question.  The doctors don't really know.  Less than a year they know that.  Anything beyond that is mere speculation.  The only date they'll even mention to me is a couple of months at the least.  That is if I stay stable."  Lara got very quiet.  She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths to try and calm the sudden tightness in her chest.  When she opened her eyes, Darien was leaning closer to her and Bobby was off his barstool and at her side.

"What sent you to the hospital?"  Bobby asked.

"I had a heart attack basically.  I was at Uncle Charlie's and collapsed.  They actually wanted to keep me another day but just for observation.  I guess that's why you guys are here."  Lara was partially out of breath when she finished talking.  Bobby's cell phone rang and Lara almost jumped out of her seat.

"Hobbes.  Yeah Chief.  Yeah she's awake."  Bobby turned away from Darien and Lara and kept talking to the Official in hushed tones.

"Give him a minute, no more like 30 seconds and he'll want to talk to me." Lara was up and moving back to the living room by the time Bobby turned back around with the phone.

"He wants to talk to," he turned around again to find Lara sitting in her chair from earlier, "oh, he wants to talk to you."  He handed her the phone and walked back into the kitchen where his partner was sitting quietly contemplating the cosmos.  "What's up partner?" No answer.  "Hey…Fawkes…"

"Wha…oh nothin' man just thinking."

"About?"

"Lara.  How old you think she is?"

"23, 24.  I dunno; why?"

"Not much younger than me…" Darien let his voice trail off.

"What have I told you 'bout fishin' off the company pier my friend?"  Bobby shook his head.

Darien's head popped up.  "Not that.  C'mon Hobbes.  She's, well, she's sick man.  Nah, I was just thinkin' about how similar we are."

Bobby sat down on Lara's vacated stool.  "How so?"

"Well, her heart's not so slowly killing her and her drugs aren't working anymore.  I gotta gland in my head that's no so slowly killing me and the counteragent isn't workin'.  I mean, neither of us knows exactly how long we've got but…"

"Our outlooks are completely different."  Lara was leaning against the wall behind them, holding Bobby's phone at her side.  Both agents jerked around to face her.  "Hobbes, he wants you back."  Bobby took the phone and Lara motioned for Darien to come to the living room with her.  "Okay, he's Bobby so you must be Darien…" Lara observed.


	5. Chap. 5

"Yeah.  I forgot Bobby just introduced up by our last names.  How did…" Darien sat down in the chair she'd been sitting in earlier.

"Uncle Charlie mentioned you by first names.  He told me you and I should talk."

"I gotta ask…Uncle Charlie?" Darien's curiosity had gotten he better of him.

"My dad worked for the Agency.  He used to work with Eberts.  I know you know Eberts."  Darien nodded.  "Daddy was in computer modeling.  He would reconstruct crime scenes or do any kind of modeling the Agency needed done.  He went out into the field one time to get pictures or something for a model.  One thing led to another, the scene wasn't secure and Daddy got shot.  There were complications at the hospital."  Lara's face fell and her voice cracked.  Darien felt guilty for bringing up such a sensitive subject.  Lara cleared her throat and continued.  "I was 16 years old.  My mom had left when I was a baby so I never really knew her and my dad's parents had died not long before he did so, for all intents and purposes, I was an orphan.  Uncle Charlie and Daddy were very close and he's been around me my whole life.  He felt so bad about Daddy dying so he worked his magic and kept me out of foster care.  His neighbors took me in and when I was 18 and out of high school, I got my inheritance, bought this place, went to college and graduated last year.  I had actually started consulting at the Agency.  Eberts and I were re-working the network when I got sick…"Lara left the sentence open-ended.

"So the pictures of you and your uncle are from high school and college graduations?" Lara nodded.  "You look so different."  Darien looked at the pictures lining the mantle.

"I looked healthy.  The doctors have told me that I was sick even then but the disease was in a non-detectable stage.  If I hadn't taken up hockey as a hobby, I could've keeled over dead with no explanation."  Lara made a dead face at Darien who couldn't help smiling.  Lara giggled.

"Wait a minute; you play hockey?"  Bobby was off the phone and back in the conversation.

"Yup.  I play, or played rather, center, left and right wing.  I thought about goal tender but I didn't want all those pucks flying at me.  Besides, forwards have all the fun.  We get to score!"  Lara laughed again.  Her laughter was infectious and had Darien and Bobby both laughing, too.  Lara's laughter trailed off as she tried to catch her breath but she kept smiling.

"Your, uh, uncle said you had a new prescription to be filled."  Bobby steered the conversation back to the assignment.

"Oh, I forgot about that.  Yeah the prescription name and number is on my desk."  She motioned at her office.  Bobby walked in the office and subsequently into Lara's NHL hockey shrine.

"Whoa."  He looked around at the banners and NHL programs.  "I see the Kings, the Canucks, the Hurricanes, who are they… but no New York teams represented.  What's goin' on with that?"  Bobby mused as he located the paper Lara was talking about.

"The Rangers are okay but the Islanders…I'm not even goin' there."  Lara called.  Bobby walked back into the living room and flashed her a 'what are you talkin' about' look.

"Okay?  The Rangers are okay?  Fawkes, man, help me out here.  The Rangers, I mean…c'mon…"

Darien shook his head.  "Sorry partner.  When I watch hockey it's the Kings or the Sharks."  Lara grinned in victory.  Bobby mocked Darien as he walked out, leaving Darien and Lara along again.

"So what's your story?"  Lara prodded.

"What makes you think I have a story?"

Lara cocked her head to one side. "Uncle Charlie doesn't send his best team to baby-sit me without a reason.  Hobbes is, well, according to Uncle Charlie, sharp and observant.  You, on the other hand, you're the one he said I needed to talk to.  So what's wrong with you?  Super secret experiment gone wrong?" Lara joked but she was partially serious.  Darien was visibly taken aback.

"How did you…"

"I told you, my father worked at the Agency and so did I for a short time.  Don't think I don't know what goes on there.  Besides, I remember your face from your arrest and Eberts mentioned you one time.  I put two and two together.  The only missing link is which experiment."  Lara got serious.

"It's complicated."  He dodged.

"Try me. I understand complicated."  She countered.

His first tactic hadn't worked.  Time for plan B.  "It's classified."

"I know the Official's first name and have been in the Agency's computers for the love of all things holy.  'Fess up."  She was being persistent and stubborn.  When Darien still didn't answer her question, a light bulb went off over her head.  "Fawkes…of course.  You're the one aren't you?"

"The one?  The one what?"  Darien started to get worried.

"I was working at the Agency one day with Eberts and was on my way out so I stopped by to see Uncle Charlie.  Well, his door was closed and I could hear voices, one was female and the other was Charlie's voice.  They mentioned Quicksilver, qs-9300, a gland, a counteragent and Fawkes.  I went back to find Eberts to see if I could squeeze info outta him but he was gone so snooping I went.  I found the QS-9300 file but all I could see was something about invisibility and Quicksilver before Eberts came in and busted me.  He told me not to snoop and something about I was more nosy than Fawkes."  Lara sat up on the edge of her couch and looked at Darien.  "You're the invisible man aren't you?  Well, I mean not right now of course but other times?"  Darien squirmed in his seat.  "Trust me.  I'm not tellin' anybody.  Hell, I barely know anybody anymore."  Lara paused.  "So what's wrong with you?  You slowing disappearing for good?"  She looked him up and down for any missing parts.  'None that I can see,' she mused.

"You could say that I guess."

"Okay so there's this gland and this stuff called Quicksilver and some kind of counteragent."  Lara sat back against the back of the couch.  "Counteragent for what?" 

Darien glanced at Lara and remembered what he'd told Hobbes earlier.  'Neither of us knows exactly how long we've got…'  He wondered how Lara could get up and face life knowing she could die that same day.  How could someone do that?  'To hell with classified or not…' Darien thought.  "You're right.  There is something wrong with me.  Long story short.  I have a gland in my brain that makes me invisible.  Well, the stuff that makes me invisible is also toxic to my system.  There is, or was, a counteragent that counteracted the toxicity but it's not workin' so well anymore."

"So we are in the same boat kind of.  They don't know how long you have either?"

"Nah.  Claire, the woman who administers the counteragent and monitors the gland, has no idea but considering I've gone from a shot every six days to one every two or three days unless I go invisible in which case it's more often than that isn't a good sign."  Darien glanced down at his tattoo.  One more section was red.  He was betting he'd need another shot tomorrow.

"Can't she, or somebody, just take the gland out?"

"Nope.  The operation would kill me.  So we're more alike than I thought."  Darien relaxed in the chair.

"I guess so.  How long have you known?"

"Well, the counteragent stopped working like it had been a few months ago but there was the possibility of a cure for the toxicity about a week or so ago but that didn't pan out.  I got my hopes up for nothing."  Darien folded his hands in his lap and grasped them so tight his knuckles turned white.

"I know that feeling.  I was in the hospital for a week after I collapsed the first time.  They ran test after test until my cardiologist decided to do a biopsy in conjunction with a scan of my heart.  He told me all about these drugs and that I'd be able to live a normal life.  Then I had my first heart attack and it's been all downhill from there.  I read about the surgery to remove the thickened muscle and I was ecstatic until I went in for a pre-op screening and check up and the doctors found out that my heart was too enlarged to risk the procedure.  I stayed in bed for a week.  That surgery was my last hope because the drugs were all ready not as effective as they had been.  I knew that was it."  Lara was calm and seemed at ease with her condition.  Darien was amazed.


	6. Chap. 6

"How do you do it?"

"What?"

"You don't seem scared or mad or upset or anything.  You just seem calm."

Lara couldn't help but laugh.  "Darien, do you know how old I am?

"23, 24 I don't know."  He shrugged.

"I just turned 24.  Do you have any idea how it feels to be told at 22 that you have a fatal disease?"  He shrugged again. "I was furious.  And when they told me it was probably genetic?  That made it worse.  I was angry and hurt and wondered why this was happening to me.  Then I went into denial, especially when I found out about the surgery.  I stopped taking my meds and went right back to playing hockey, drinking with my friends, everything I'd done before I got sick.  That's when I blacked out during one of my games and found out I'd developed the arrhythmia.  I went from denial to having death staring me right in the face.  I was so scared.  I didn't do anything.  I stopped working at the Agency and hardly left the house but I realized that I wasn't doing myself any good.  I couldn't hide from death.  So, I made a decision."

"Is this gonna be a Tuesdays with Morrie moment?"  Darien was skeptical.

"Nah although I did read that book.  I'm nowhere near as noble or philosophic as he was.  No, I decided that, until the doctor tells me I have X number of days left, I'm just gonna live life day to day.  I can't play hockey anymore but I still go to the Kings games every now and then.  I even go see the San Diego Gulls play during the season.  I do some web design from my office in there and when I feel up to it, Eberts teaches me coding and programming.  I haven't given up but I haven't forgotten my limits.  It took a lot to get to this point, though."  Lara and Darien were silent.  She let her head fall back against the cushions behind her and Darien let her words filter through his brain.  He'd handled life and death before but Lara hadn't but she was calm about dying.

"Have you ever studied martial arts?"  A thought popped into Darien's head.

"What about them?" Lara raised her head.

"I remember something about a concept of having a calm spirit in the face of danger."

"Oh now I remember.  Munin-muso."

"Yeah well, you being so calm made me think of that."  Darien's eyes fell back to his hands in his lap.

"Are you scared?"

Darien's eyes met Lara's.  For the first time since they'd been talking, he didn't see complete confidence in her eyes.  "Yes."  He admitted.  He **was** scared, scared of dying, of going crazy, of everything.  He was mad, too.  Mad at Kevin for ever putting this thing in his head.  He was mad at Claire for not being able to get the gland out, made at Hobbes for being normal and healthy but most of all, he was mad at himself for not being strong enough to fight the monster.  "Did you ever get so furious at the work d that you just exploded and then shut your emotions out completely just so you can get out of bed in the mornings?"

"Oh yeah.  See that picture on the wall behind you?"  Darien turned around and looked at the picture on the wall.  "Take it down and look."  He got up and took the picture down.  Behind it was a hole and the stud holding the wall up.  He looked back at Lara.  Her head was back against the cushions again but she was holding her right hand up.  "Put it right through the sheet wall and hit the stud.  That's how furious I got and when I just shut down emotionally."  Her hand dropped.  "I still get upset though.  When I go to the store and see people my age who are healthy or I stop by to see the people I used to play hockey with and they're still playing and I can't.  I come home and cry until I'm sobbing so hard that I can't breathe.  Then I decide that it could be worse.  I could be in the hospital, completely dependent on others or I could be dead.  Even after that I'm still not Miss Merry Sunshine, but at least I'm not pushing away all the people who care about me who happen to be healthy."  Darien sat back down and looked down at the picture he still held.  It was a picture of Lara walking along a beach at sunset.  There was a saying in Latin at the bottom.

"Dum spiro spero?"

Lara looked up at him.  Her eyes were bright but tired.  "While I breathe, I hope.  Daddy used to say that.  Of course," she chuckled softly, "he'd usually say that hoping to understand me but that's what I remember him saying sometimes."  A tear slid down her cheek.  She wiped it away with the back of her hand.  "While I'm still breathing, there's still hope.  Hope for love, hope for happiness, for life.  Hope."  Her voice dropped as she yawned.  Darien sat the picture down beside the chair.

"Why don't you get some rest?  You still look exhausted."  Lara struggled off the couch with Darien's help.  He held her elbow and walked her to her room.

"Thank you, Darien."  She leaned on the doorframe.

"Don't mention it."  He rubbed his forehead.  He could feel another headache coming on.

"Ya know it wouldn't hurt you to get some rest, too.  Alcohol induced unconsciousness isn't restful."  She gave him a knowing smile and he returned it.  
"We'll be right out here if you need anything."  Darien pulled the door almost closed when Lara stepped away from it.

*******************

Hobbes walked in, drug store bag in one hand along with a McDonald's bag in the other.  "Dinner."  He walked to the kitchen and sat the bag down.  "Where's Lara?"

"Resting.  She looked pretty tired."  Darien emptied the fast food bag on the counter.

"Doesn't surprise me.  The Chief filled me in a little bit more on her…condition."

"When, earlier on the phone?  What did he say?"  Darien's attention turned from the food to his partner who was motioning him to the living room, away from Lara's room.

"It's more serious than she knows.  That guy we saw the Fish with this morning was her cardiologist.  Seems she's not only in heart failure but the final stages.  That's why they wanted to keep her in the hospital."  Bobby kept his voice low.  The Official was very clear that Lara not know about this yet.  'She'll know soon enough," the older man had said.  

Darien just sat at the counter.  Lara was still hopeful and now she, like he, had no hope of a treatment or miracle cure.  "How long?"

"Still difficult to say but a week at the least.  Her doctor didn't put any refills on her meds because they haven't worked in months.  Her new medication," Bobby held up the drug store bag, " is pain medication in case she starts having chest pains.  We're supposed to take her back to the hospital if she gets worse."  Bobby watched his friend's face cloud over.  When he'd walked in, Bobby was glad to see Fawkes not quite as gloomy as when he'd left to go the store.  Darien got up and walked out to the chair he'd been sitting in talking to Lara earlier.  He picked up her picture to look at it again.  Bobby followed him to the living room and did a double take at the hole in the wall.

"She do that?" 

"Yeah," Darien's eyes never left the picture.  "She hid it with this.  I guess it was her way of blocking out the pain of her past."

"What's that mean?" Bobby had turned around and was looking at the picture over his partner's shoulder.  He pointed to the inscription at the bottom.

"While I breathe, I hope.  That's her philosophy.  While she's still breathing, she still has hope.  Looks like that's all gone now."  He sat the picture down and walked outside.  Bobby picked the picture up and hung it over the whole again.


	7. Chap. 7

It didn't take quite a week for Lara to take a major turn for the worse.  She'd slept the rest of the first day Bobby and Darien had been with her and all of that night.  Darien had gone back to the Keep for an almost useless shot and when he got back, Lara was awake and sitting up on the couch.  Bobby told him she'd had to have his help getting out there.  From then on, Lara's strength was basically non-existent.  She had to have help getting everywhere.

Lara had pitched as much of a fit as she could manage to go to a park close by and the two agents relented and took her.  She'd had to lean on both of them to walk around the park but even then she couldn't walk for very long.  They convinced her it was time to go home so home they went and Lara went back to the couch.  

Darien had made the mistake of mentioning the hospital to her.  She flat refused and begged them not to take her back there.  Neither of the men could stand to see her crying.  Darien relented.

"Make you a deal.  Lemme call my friend Claire.  She's the doctor I told you about remember?"  Lara nodded.  "Let her take a look at you but if she says you need to go back to the hospital then you go.  If not, you don't."  Darien sat on the coffee table in front of Lara on the couch.  She was quiet as she considered his deal.

"Deal," she whispered.  Darien was on the phone to Claire a second later.  She didn't ask questions, just agreed to come over and see what she could do.  When she got to the house, she was a little surprised to see how tired her friends were.

"We haven't been getting much sleep.  Lara has trouble breathing when she tries to sleep and doesn't sleep much so we've been taking turns staying up with her."  Bobby said in between yawns as he led Claire to the living room.  Darien was still sitting on the table, holding Lara's hand.  Claire could see the effort behind the younger woman's labored breathing.  There were circles under her eyes and she looked like she truly hadn't slept in weeks.  Darien mumbled something to her, let go of her hand and moved so Claire could sit in his place.  

"She needs to go to hospital.  There's nothing I can do for her," Claire whispered to her friends after examining Lara.  She'd encountered the Official on her way out of the Agency and had been told of the younger woman's heart condition.  The older man had been more upset than Claire had ever seen him.  Darien was quiet as he walked back to Lara, leaving Claire and Bobby alone near the door.  "He's become quite close to her hasn't he?"

"Yeah.  Says they're in similar situations 'cept different things killin' 'em.  He's not taking this one very well."  They looked at the other man who had sat back down in front of Lara and was again holding her hand.

"Bobby, she's dying.  She should be in hospital."

"Call the Official.  Tell him to get in touch with her doctor and let him know we're bringing her back to the hospital.  I'll make sure she gets there."  Bobby walked back to the living room and sat down next to Fawkes.  Claire called the Official, and delivered Bobby's messages.  He told Claire he'd make sure Lara's doctor met them at the emergency entrance and he'd be there himself as soon as he could.

Darien had picked Lara up and was heading toward the door when Claire got off the phone.  He carried Lara, blankets and all, out to the van and managed to maneuver himself along with Lara into the back without having to put her down.  They curled up together as Bobby hopped in and started the van.  He drove slow and careful partially because Claire was following them but also because the precious cargo in the back with Fawkes.  Darien looked down at Lara and saw her lips moving.

"What?"  He leaned his head closer to her.

"Just reciting…a poem…keeps me…calm…"

"What poem?"

"To see the world…in a grain of sand…and a heaven…in a wild flower…hold eternity…in the palm…of your hand…and infinity…in an hour."  Lara's voice was just above a whisper and was broken up by gasps of breath.  Her heart was pounding as if she'd just run a marathon.  She closed her eyes to rest, letting the hum of the van soothe her nerves.  Darien tightened his arms around her just slightly.

It barely registered to him when the van stopped and Bobby opened the back doors.  A doctor was with him and asked for Lara.  Darien looked down at her and realized she was unconscious.  The doctor yelled for a stretcher, pulled Darien out of the way and began lifting Lara onto the stretcher with the help of an orderly.  They rushed past Bobby and Darien and disappeared into the hospital.  Darien dashed after them into the emergency room.

"Lara Campbell?" He asked the desk nurse.

"And you are?"

"A friend of her's."

The nurse looked up at him.  "I'm sorry, sir.  We can only talk to the family."

"That would be me," The Official's voice boomed from behind Darien.  The nurse seemed to recognize him.

"She's gone straight to CICU."

The Official walked towards the elevator but paused and looked back at Darien, waiting for him to catch up.  Bobby and Claire had appeared, along with Eberts, and were walking up to Darien.  The four agents joined their Chief at the elevator, got on and rode up to the cardiac intensive care unit.

At first, the Official was the only one the doctor or nurses would acknowledge but after a brief conference with said doctor, nurses, and the Fish, the other four people became Lara's family as far the unit staff was concerned.  The five agents sat quietly in the waiting room as Lara's cardiologist examined her again.  When he entered the room, all five people looked at him anxiously.

"Lara's resting for now.  She's on oxygen to help her breath and painkillers for her chest pains but that's all we can do.  Her lungs are filling with fluid which is rare in people with her condition but that's why she's having trouble breathing.  I don't know if you're all aware of this, but her uncle is so I thought I'd mention it.  When Lara was diagnosed with this disease, she had a do not resuscitate order and living will placed on her records."

Darien looked at the doctor in confusion.  "Living will?"

"Basically, we're not allowed to make any heroic efforts to extend her life or place her on any artificial life support devices."  The doctor was quiet to let what he'd said sink in.  When it was apparent they needed time, he bowed slightly before leaving.  

"Doctor…" Darien's voice broke the silence and the doctor turned around.  "How long…" His voice broke.

"Not long.  A week, maybe less.  We're going day by day."

"Day by day…thanks doc."  Darien whispered and the doctor left.  The room fell silent again with only the sounds of the hospital in the background.  Claire broke the silence this time.

"It does no good for us all to sit here.  Why don't we take shifts so someone's always here just in case?"

"Okay, " Darien nodded.  "I'll take first shift."

"No.  You and Hobbes take the day and rest.  Eberts and I will take the first shift."  The Official whispered.  He held his emotions at bay; he didn't want anyone to see how upset he really was.

"All right, so there's four teams so six hour shifts each.  I'll take the second shift so I'll be back around 6 this evening."  Claire walked by Darien, put her hand on his arm and urged him to get up.  She did the same thing to Bobby until she had an agent on either arm.  Eberts settled into a chair and the Official sat wordlessly staring into space as the three younger agents left.


	8. Chap. 8

They did that for days.  Every 6 hours there was the changing of the guard in the CICU waiting room.  There were hardly ever any other families or friends in the waiting room so the agents had it pretty much to themselves.  Eberts watched his soap operas while the Official alternated between looking at the TV and looking at the door.  When he could, he went back and sat with Lara.  Sometimes she was awake, sometimes not.  When she was awake, she'd smile at him when he walked in.  Sometimes they talked about the past or what was going on in the world but most of the time, they just sat together silently.

They all did that.  During visiting hours, whoever was there would go back and sit with Lara.  Darien brought in philosophy books and read to her.  Bobby read the sports page and Claire would either read whatever magazine she could find in the waiting room or they'd talk, or try to on some occasions.  Only once did someone on shift have to call one of the others.  Darien had to call Claire to being a counteragent shot.  He'd gone invisible to eavesdrop on Lara's exam.  The doctor and nurses all spoke in hushed tones so he couldn't understand any of what he could barely hear.

Then, when Darien had convinced himself that the doctor was wrong and that Lara would make it, he got the call.  It was one of his off shifts and Claire's on shift.  He'd finally managed to fall asleep, albeit with his clothes on, when the phone rang.  He was instantly awake.

"This is Fawkes."

"Darien," Claire tried to hold her voice steady but Darien could hear the tears.  She didn't need to say anymore.

"I'll be right there."  He hung up the phone, grabbed his shoes, and shoved them on.  He grabbed his car keys and was out the door.

The first people he saw when he got off the elevator were Bobby and Claire.  They turned around when they heard footsteps.  Claire's eyes were red and puffy.  She'd been crying.

"Claire…" Darien croaked out.

"I went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee and when I came back the nurse told me the doctor was…and that Lara…By the time I called you, she…Darien…" Claire couldn't hold back the tears any longer and moved to her friend.  Darien started shaking his head to keep the tears away.  He turned to start pacing and saw the Official and Eberts emerge rapidly from the elevator.  They stopped when they saw Darien.

"Lara?" was all the Official said.  Darien's mask cracked and he shook his head again.  The older man swayed slightly and Eberts directed to him to a chair in the hall.  Darien's back hit the wall and he slid down it, crying silently all the way down.  He heard Claire tell Bobby something and heard her whispering to the Official.

"C'mon partner.  Let's get you outta here."  Bobby knelt by his friend and took his arm.  Darien allowed himself to be led up the wall until was standing again and let Hobbes lead him out.  

The funeral was a blur to Darien.  He sort of remembered getting dressed for it and Claire and Bobby driving him but it was like watching a movie of it happening.  He didn't remember the church service at all.  The only thing he remembered about the graveside service was just standing there, Bobby and Claire on either side of him, the Official and Eberts in front of him.  Afterwards, Bobby and Claire were walking him to Claire's SUV when they heard the Official.

"Darien."  Darien stopped and turned around.  It registered somewhere in his mind that the Fish looked like he'd been through hell and back.  Bobby, Claire and Eberts left the two men alone.  Darien just stood there like a statue.  "Lara…told me about your talks.  She hoped she had helped you figure things out.  Did she?"  A tear slid down Darien's face and he nodded.  "Good."  They just stood there, and the Official followed Darien's gaze back to the grave.  "She was like my daughter."  The older man choked back a sob.  "I never thought I'd outlive her.  I always thought she'd beat that damned disease but she didn't.  A parent, even just an adopted parent, should never outlive their children."  A cry escaped his lips and Darien looked at him.

"She was so brave.  She taught me so much in so short a time, how to face life while living with death and not to give up hope."

"Dum spiro spero."  The older man whispered.

"That was her favorite saying."  Tears began streaming down Darien's face.  "While I breathe…"

"I hope.  That was her dad's favorite saying, too.  I hope they take care of each other now."  The Official looked up at the sky.  "I did the best I could, David.  She's yours again."  He looked back at the younger agent.  "Are you giving up?"

Darien looked back at the grave, then up at the sky and took a deep breath.  "I'm still breathing so there's still hope."  He wiped the tears away and looked back at his boss.

'Maybe I still have an adopted child to outlive me after all.' The Official thought as he and Darien walked to where Bobby, Claire and Eberts were waiting.

_The End_


End file.
